The Cost of Using Children as Pawns

I’ve witnessed it firsthand – how some women emotionally abuse men, how some men endure it for far too long, and how, eventually, some of them have the strength to leave. 

But in my experience, the abuse doesn’t end when the relationship does. Not when children are involved.

I’ve seen far too many men trapped in toxic, manipulative situations with women they once trusted, women they shared children with. 

These women don’t just hurt their ex-partners – they use the children as weapons.

Children become a tool to manipulate, to control, to get what they want, and even worse, they often become collateral damage in the process.

In the following lines, you’ll discover how to break free from toxic dynamics, and why fostering a safe and supportive environment for your child is vital for their well-being. 

The ultimate message is clear: children should never be used as bargaining chips, and they deserve to love freely without fear or manipulation.

The Threats and Manipulation Tactics

I’ve heard the threats countless times: “If you don’t do what I say, you won’t see them again.” I’ve been on the receiving end of this myself. 

Some women will impose their own rules, and when the father doesn’t comply, they use the child as leverage, making him feel powerless.

The worst part? The child suffers the most.

They are pulled into adult conflicts, forced to pick sides, manipulated into believing false narratives. 

Mothers like this don’t just punish the father – they poison the child’s mind, turning them against a parent who loves them.

I’ve seen women speak poorly of their child’s father, create false memories, or make the child believe that their dad abandoned them when, in reality, he was being pushed away.

This is a classic example of parental alienation. Parental alienation is a damaging form of emotional and psychological abuse in which one parent conditions the child to reject the other.

Forcing Children Into Adult Roles

Some even go so far as to make their child responsible for adult issues. “You need to remind your dad about visitation,” they’ll say. Or, “If he really loved you, he would be here more often.”

Do you realize what that does to a child? It makes them feel guilty, responsible, torn between two people they love. It distorts their reality, confuses them, and leaves lasting emotional scars.

And let me be clear: this is abuse.

A Message to Mothers Who Do This

To the women who do this – stop. If you’re angry at your ex, fine. If you feel hurt, betrayed, or resentful, deal with it as an adult. 

But don’t use your child as a pawn. Don’t make them the battlefield for your unresolved emotions. 

You are not just hurting your ex; you are hurting your child in ways you may not even understand.

And to the men going through this – recognize it for what it is. Don’t let yourself be controlled by fear. 

Be the safe space your child needs. Never speak badly about their mother, no matter how hard it is, because your child deserves to grow up without being burdened by adult conflicts.

Children deserve love, stability, and the freedom to form their own relationships with both parents. They should never have to carry the weight of someone else’s revenge.

If you love your child, let them love freely.

A Message to Men Who Do This

To the men who engage in such behavior – cease immediately. If you’re feeling anger toward your ex, that’s a natural and comprehensible emotion.

If a wave of hurt, betrayal, or resentment crashes over you, take the time to work through those emotions constructively. 

Consider talking to a therapist, writing in a journal, or confiding in a trusted friend. However, resist the urge to involve your child in the conflict as a means to gain the upper hand.

Your child should not be the bearer of whispered complaints, nor should they feel caught in the crossfire of adult disagreements.

You’re not only hurting your ex – you’re damaging your child in ways that could have long-lasting effects. The emotional toll on them may be more profound than you realize.

Think about the example you’re setting, and remember, your actions impact their future, too!

Your Child Deserves Peace – And So Do You

If this article spoke to you – if you’ve felt the weight of manipulation through your children or have witnessed it firsthand – know this: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry it in silence.

Healing is possible. And the journey starts with community.

Join our Facebook group, Toxic Abuse Recovery – a safe space for survivors navigating emotional abuse, toxic relationships, and the difficult realities of co-parenting with a manipulator.

Inside the group, you’ll find support, stories, practical tools, and most importantly – people who get it.

And there’s more:

The first 100 members of the group will receive free access to TAR Quest – the world’s first gamified toxic abuse recovery program.

TAR Quest is a 90-day guided journey designed to help you heal, grow, and reclaim your life – one day at a time. The program includes:

• 12 powerful modules spread over 3 months
• Daily quests that take just 8–12 minutes
• Emotional practices, reflections, boundary-setting tools, and deep mindset shifts
• A format built for real life – whether you’re drained, busy, or just getting started

This is healing that feels like a game, but transforms like therapy. It meets you wherever you are – whether you’re a man scrolling on the train, a mother between errands, or a teenager seeking clarity before school.

Don’t stay stuck. Don’t go through it alone.

Join Toxic Abuse Recovery and take your first step toward peace – for you, and for your child.