How to Be a Good Father for Your Children?

I didn’t grow up with a loving father figure — not even close. My dad wasn’t just emotionally unavailable, he was emotionally absent even when physically present. He gave us scraps of attention when we were starving for guidance, approval, and basic love.

And so, I learned fatherhood the hard way — not from an example, but from its absence. From the ache of not being seen. From the sting of being brushed off. From the silence when I needed comfort.

This isn’t an article about perfection. It’s about honesty. It’s a message from a man who’s failed, fallen short, and fought to do better. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I a good father?”—this is for you. 

Let’s rebuild this together.

1. Love Them Loudly, Not Just Quietly

My father never said, “I love you.” Never hugged me. I learned early that silence could feel like abandonment.

A good father doesn’t leave love to interpretation.

Tell your daughter she’s worthy and loved — especially when life knocks her down.
Say “I’m proud of you” to your son even when he doesn’t win. Especially when he’s hurting.

Love must be loud. Love must be consistent. Love must be unconditional.

2. Be the Man You Want Them to Learn From

My dad showed me everything not to be — angry, withdrawn, unreliable. I had to seek role models outside my home.

Kids watch who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Show your daughter what respect looks like — toward women, toward yourself.
Show your son what accountability looks like — owning mistakes, staying calm, following through.

You are always teaching, even when you’re silent.

With Your Daughter: Treat the women in your life with respect – show her what it looks like to be a respectful partner, a good listener, and a compassionate person. Be kind and considerate to everyone, teaching her the value of empathy and patience.

With Your Son: Show him the importance of hard work and integrity. Be someone who keeps their promises, speaks respectfully, and leads with humility. Teach him how to be responsible for his actions and how to approach challenges with perseverance.

3. Make Your Voice a Safe Place

I remember trying to talk to my father and getting nothing but dismissiveness. It taught me to bottle everything up. I’m still unpacking it. A good father listens more than he lectures.

Whether your child is excited about a new hobby or struggling with dating issues, be the person they can talk to without fear.

With Your Daughter: Ask her how her day went and listen attentively. Make it clear that she can talk to you about anything, whether it’s about school, friends, or her emotions. Avoid brushing off her feelings, and let her know you’re always there to listen.

With Your Son: Create an environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts, even if they seem trivial to you. 

Show interest in his interests, and give him your full attention when he talks about his school, friends or hobbies. Listen actively without judging him, helping him navigate tough situations with your guidance.

4. Spend Quality Time Together

Some of my worst memories are of watching my father prioritize everything but us. Work, colleagues – everything seemed more important than spending time with his children. Children don’t need expensive gifts or grand gestures; they need your presence. 

Kids don’t need everything — they need you.

A good father sets aside time for his kids – playing games, reading bedtime stories, or simply sitting with them and asking about their day. Even 15 minutes of undivided attention can make a world of difference.

With Your Daughter: Go for a walk with her, help her with her new school project, or watch a movie together.  Watch her favorite cartoon even if you hate it.

With Your Son: Play his favorite game, whether it’s sports, board games, or video games. Show interest in his passions, whether it’s music, making graffiti, or something else. Small moments of bonding create lasting memories.

5. Believe in Their Dreams, Not Just Their Report Cards

My father never encouraged my dreams. When I expressed interest in writing, he scoffed. 

A good father believes in his children. If your child loves art, buy them sketchbooks. If they struggle in school, offer help instead of criticism. Your support helps shape their confidence and self-worth.

With Your Daughter: If she wants to pursue a passion, such as dancing or painting, support her by attending her performances or showing interest in her artwork. 

Give her constructive feedback and encourage her to follow her dreams, even when faced with obstacles.

With Your Son: Encourage him to explore new hobbies and activities, whether it’s learning an instrument or trying out for a team. 

Celebrate his achievements and help him learn from failures and sport losses instead of criticizing him for not being perfect.

6. Set Boundaries with Love, Not Fear

My dad was either a ghost or a storm. There was no middle ground. Kids don’t need chaos or coldness — they need clarity. 

My father was either too strict or completely indifferent – there was no balance. He punished us for small mistakes but ignored the bigger lessons we needed to learn.

Discipline isn’t about control; it’s about teaching responsibility. A good father explains rules and enforces consequences fairly. He doesn’t resort to yelling but instead teaches through understanding and patience.

With Your Daughter: Set clear house rules for behavior and responsibilities, and enforce them consistently. Explain the reasons behind the rules, and help her understand the importance of respect and self-control.

With Your Son: Teach him the value of respect, responsibility, and self-discipline. If he breaks a rule, calmly explain why the action was wrong and what consequences might follow. Use discipline as an opportunity for him to learn and grow, not to instill fear.

For both of them, grounding and chores are adequate ‘punishments’ if they break the rule about going out until 11 PM, for example. 

7. Be a Good Husband and Partner

I saw how my father treated my mother – with coldness, with disregard. He was even unfaithful and he did not hide it. It affected how I viewed relationships for years.

A good father respects his partner. He shows love, appreciation, and kindness. Your children are watching and learning from how you treat their mother. Show them what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like.

With Your Daughter: Let her see the love and respect you show your partner. A strong, loving relationship between parents is something a daughter can look up to. 

By treating your wife or life partner with kindness and appreciation, you set an example of how a healthy relationship should be.

With Your Son: Show him how to treat women with respect. Let him see how important it is to communicate, work together, and support each other in a partnership. His view of relationships will be shaped by the way you treat his mother.

8. Show Up for School Like You Show Up for Work

My father never asked about my schoolwork. He didn’t care if I had an important test or if my brother was struggling with a subject.

Ask about tests. Celebrate B-minuses like they’re gold medals. Go to the school play even if they only have one line. Your presence gives everything meaning.

Showing that education matters helps your child value learning and effort. But when a dad cares about learning, the child learns to care too.

9. Parent Each Child Uniquely

My brother and I had distinct personalities, but my father treated us the same – distant and uninvolved. He never took the time to understand who we really were.

Every child is unique. A good father learns what makes each of his children special and adjusts his parenting to support their individual needs.

What works for a son might not work for a daughter, and vice versa. Flexibility is love in action.

With Your Daughter: Ask her about school projects, help her with assignments, and attend parent-teacher meetings. Be interested in what she’s learning and encourage a love for education by showing her the importance of growth and knowledge.

With Your Son: Take an active role in his learning – help with homework, attend school events, and praise his hard work. Show him that education is a lifelong journey and an opportunity for him to better himself.

10. Take Care of the Man in the Mirror

A father cannot fully support and guide his children if he neglects his own health – both physical and mental. 

It’s easy to get caught up in the daily demands of parenting, but a healthy father is the best father for his children. 

Your physical and mental health matter — more than your paycheck, more than your pride. This one’s for every father who runs on fumes. You can’t give what you don’t have. 

Your well-being is not selfish. It’s essential for fatherhood. Exercise, eat well, and make time to relax, but equally important is prioritizing your mental and emotional health. 

By taking care of yourself, you set an example for your children on how to prioritize their health and handle life’s challenges with resilience and clarity. Only by being the best version of yourself can you be the father they deserve.

From One Broken Man to Another

I grew up knowing what kind of father I didn’t want for my children. I know what it feels like to be ignored, dismissed, and made to feel unimportant. 

That’s why I hope every father reading this takes this advice to heart.

Being a good father isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being present. Your children won’t remember every lesson you teach, but they will always remember how you made them feel. 

Make sure they feel loved, safe, and supported. Because in the end, that’s what truly matters.

I’m not writing this as someone who’s got it all figured out. I’ve failed my kids. I’ve failed my partner. I’ve failed myself.

But I’m here. I’m trying. I want to get better.

And I believe you do too.

So if you’re a father, a husband, or a man trying to do right after doing wrong – you’re not alone.

Many of us were never taught how to be good men. But that doesn’t mean we can’t become them.

Join Me in Breaking the Toxic Cycle

I’ve struggled with being a good father, husband, and role model.

Sometimes I still feel like I’m failing. But I know I’m not the only one.

If you’ve ever felt like you weren’t enough – for your kids, your partner, or yourself – I want to invite you to take this next step with me.

Let’s break the cycle of silence, shame, and self-neglect.

Join me in the Toxic Abuse Recovery Quest (TAR Quest), the world’s first gamified toxic relationship recovery program for individuals of all ages – available exclusively on My TAR App.

Together, let’s do the healing work. Let’s get better – not just for them, but for us too. Because our children don’t need perfect fathers.

They need present ones.

And it’s never too late to become that person.