Unpretty – Banned for Not Being Beautiful

“Beauty requires sacrifice.” 

I heard this phrase countless times growing up, especially from my own parents. 

From an early age, women are told that suffering through painful high heels and restrictive diets is simply the price to pay for being beautiful. 

And for many, this message is never questioned.

Thinness isn’t just preferred – it’s demanded. Society’s obsession with the “perfect” female body runs deep, from schools and families to the media and even healthcare. 

The pressure to fit the mold is everywhere.

I witnessed this firsthand when I went out with a friend one night. She wasn’t allowed into a nightclub. Why? Because she didn’t meet the “face control” standard.

What Is Face Control?

Face control is a practice where entry into clubs, bars, or other venues is based on looks alone. And when I say looks, I mean being slim.

My friend knew she might be judged at the door, but she hoped for the best. She had spent months on a strict keto diet – more like starving herself, really – just to fit into the beauty ideal. But it didn’t matter.

The bouncer barely glanced at her before turning her away. I tried reasoning with him.

“Well, she is dressed sexy enough, isn’t she?” I asked.

“The clothes look too tight because she is fat. I am not letting her in, and if you try to pressure me, you can go with her straight to KFC or wherever you came from,” he replied, smirking.

Wow. Ouch. What?

I wanted to fire back, but before I could, my friend pulled me away.

On our way to “KFC,” she told me that bouncers enforce these cruel rules because there are more women than men out at night, and clubs want to keep the ratio in favor of “desirable” women. 

In other words, they don’t want their venues filled with anyone who doesn’t meet society’s impossible beauty standards.

The Unwritten Rules of Face Control

Face control is as unpredictable as it is brutal. One guy in a sharp coat and fresh haircut is turned away. 

A short, overweight man walks right in. Two women in sneakers and baggy pants are let through while a stunning woman in heels is rejected. 

Foreigners hover near the VIP entrance, hoping for a chance. It makes no sense.

Yet, at that moment, one question lingers in everyone’s mind: “Will they let me in, or will I be humiliated?”

This system doesn’t just target overweight women. It feeds insecurity, making anyone who isn’t “perfect” feel unworthy. 

And in a world obsessed with looks, even naturally beautiful women aren’t safe from judgment.

Fighting Back: The Rise of Body Positivity

Some movements have started pushing back against this toxic culture. They challenge the idea that women exist purely for male approval. 

These movements are part of a larger wave fighting for equal rights – not just for women, but for all marginalized groups.

But the backlash is strong. Feminism is still a dirty word to many, and things as simple as body hair or belly rolls are seen as offensive. 

Some women, having lived under these expectations for so long, even resent those who dare to break free.

A columnist once wrote, “It is true that there are many fat people in Manchester. Local young women don’t mind when fat hangs down from their stomach and body – and they don’t fit into their jeans.”

She even suggested that fat women are responsible for turning men gay. I would laugh if it weren’t so offensive.

A Different Kind of Freedom

I remember visiting Manchester and being struck by the confidence women exuded. They wore what they wanted – leggings, flip-flops, whatever made them feel good. 

They ate freely. They existed without shame.

It felt… different. Freer.

Here, women of all shapes and sizes simply lived their lives without fear of being judged as “unworthy.”

Breaking Free from the Patriarchy and Toxic Beliefs

The stigma around weight is relentless. A woman losing her rights, education, or safety isn’t seen as the worst thing that could happen to her. Gaining weight is.

I try to embrace body positivity, to remind myself and others that looks don’t define us – especially my sister, who recently had a baby. But then, I catch myself judging.

That woman with pink hair in leggings on a date night? The girl whose belly fat sticks out? I instinctively think, “Why doesn’t she pull her pants up? Who let her out looking like that? Where’s a bouncer when you need one?”

And then I stop myself.

These thoughts weren’t mine. They were planted in me by years of conditioning. 

By a culture that told me a woman’s worth is measured by how much space she takes up.

Unlearning these ideas is hard. Breaking free from the patriarchy – and from the expectations drilled into us – is even harder.

But every step forward matters.

Lived it, learned from it, so I can pass further

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